Lies The Ladies Tell!
So following on from yesterdays news of what white lies us men tell our women these are the top ten white lies our women tell us-
1. “Nothing's wrong, I'm fine”
According to the Science Museum study, this is the most popular lie told by women. Like we didn't know. On a bad day I hear it a couple of times before breakfast. Of course we know this means there is something wrong but I intend to let you stew before I start a blazing row.
2. It wasn't expensive
What this really means is "it was very expensive indeed". Women use it because they like to shop and, however much they bang on about the joys of Poundstretcher and Primark, they really like to shop in Harvey Nicks.
3. “I'm on my way”
If she rings or texts to tell you that she is 'on her way', the only course of action is to start watching that program you didn’t think you had time to watch because there is every chance she is not on her way. She might be trying on an outfit. She might be taking it off again. She might be trying on the outfit she first tried on 20 minutes ago. Whatever it is, she is categorically not 'on her way'.
4. That was the best sex ever!
There are two possibilities here. The first is that it really was the best sex ever and she isn't lying at all. More likely, it's a big fat fib designed to massage your ego.
5. My phone ran out of credit/battery/signal
If repeated regularly, this classic can mean any number of things, none of them good. Maybe you're in the doghouse.
6. It's not you, it's me
This roughly translates as, "it's not me, it's you".
7. I haven't touched it
You've been looking for something for ages, so you ask her if she's seen it. "I haven't touched it!" she cries, somewhat defensively. She looks down at her magazine and refuses to look you in the eye.
Which almost certainly means that she did see it, about three seconds before she chucked it in the bin.
8. I've got a headache
Before the 1990s, "I've got a headache" was sitcom shorthand for "stop pestering me for sex". Female leads were contractually obliged to utter it at least twice an episode.
9. It's what I've always wanted
So you carefully consider her personality, interests and tastes, fight through the Christmas crowds and come away with a present you know she'll love. And of course she hates it.
There's a chance it's not a lie and she really does love it, but you'll get an inkling of the truth on Boxing Day when she asks if you kept the receipt, "just in case".
10. I don't fancy anyone else!
We should probably accept that, just as we fancy other women, our partners fancy other men. That doesn't mean your own wife or girlfriend will do anything about it, or that she fancies anyone more than you, or that she'd rather be with someone else. It just means that, occasionally, she quite likes the look of another bloke.
So now we know what lies we all tell each other, there not so bad really says Greengates Builders Merchants Accrington, Lancashire.